Hold My Bones
by cosima-maslany
Summary: <html><head></head>One shot - Santana finally allows herself to let out everything she's feeling about her abuela not accepting her love for Brittany. ((Future time: this happens at the night after their wedding.))</html>


Santana exhaled quietly and started to open her eyes. Everything was still really dark, which meant she had woken up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, again. It wasn't the first time this happened to her, specially in the past couple months. Brittany said it was probably the stress from the wedding but Santana knew that excuse didn't apply to this particular night.

She turned her face to the side and felt her lips brush against Brittany's hair. She lingered there for a second, floating in the shampoo scent she loved so much and placed a kiss on the top of Brittany's head. She froze, expecting Brittany to move or something but she didn't. Given the amount of alcohol they both had, Santana started to remove her arm from underneath Brittany's head, knowing the blonde wouldn't wake up.

After she untangled herself from Brittany, Santana got out of bed slowly and silently. It was really dark but she knew that bedroom like the palm of her hands. She walked a little to the left and reached for the drawer handle, grabbing some underwear. Then walked a little more and picked something from a chair. By the smell of it, it was Brittany's favorite hoodie.

Closing the bedroom door as silently as she could, Santana walked to the living room. The small window beside the front door only had some little curtains and the lights outside were on, giving Santana enough light to turn on a lamp by the couch. She got dressed and made a clumsy ponytail, looking at the clock on the DVR device. 4:30am.

"Damn it..." She whispered. It was too early to start doing anything in the house but she knew that once she was awake, there was no way she could go back to sleep. She looked around the living room and scratched her forehead. There were a couple bags by the door, a bouquet on the keys bowl, and... "Brittany." She smiled while picking Brittany's jacket from the couch.

She sat down with the jacket on her lap and her smile grew a notch. When Brittany first told her she was thinking about going in a white tux to the wedding, Santana thought she was just joking but since the blonde had used that half tux half dress in their prom, anything was possible.

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><p><em>But when she saw Brittany across the aisle, blonde hair cascading on her shoulders as if she didn't even bother doing anything with it, white jacket and white pants, Santana felt her breath being taken away. Not just because Brittany had decided not to use a shirt under the jacket, which made her have the biggest cleavage in wedding history, but because she looked so sheepishly beautiful without even trying.<em>

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><p>Santana felt a small tear leave the corner of her eye and caught it right away, hoping no others would follow. She looked back at the jacket and took the small flower from the pocket, letting out a small laugh.<p>

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><p>"<em>What are you doing?" She said and Brittany smiled. The blonde took one of the flowers from Santana's bouquet, the only blue rose between all the white ones. She broke its foot to make it smaller, and placed it in her jacket pocket, winking. Santana shook her head with a smile, not even bothering to ask why and couldn't if she tried because the ceremony started.<em>

_Once it was over and they got into the car to go to the reception, Brittany held Santana's face in her hands and kissed her forehead gently. "Go ahead, ask."_

"_Why did you take the flower?"_

"_I needed something blue and something borrowed."_

"_So you stole a flower from my bouquet? The only blue flower I had? What if it was my blue thing?"_

"_It wasn't."_

"_How do you know?"_

"_Because you couldn't take your eyes of mine the whole ceremony. Which means my eyes are your blue thing."_

"_That... Doesn't make any sense, Britt."_

"_We'll see."_

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><p>Brittany was right. She always was. When Quinn asked Santana if she had her blue thing, she said she always had the blue thing because it was Brittany's eyes. Quinn laughed for a while until she noticed Santana wasn't laughing, which meant she was serious about it. That didn't stop her from planting a blue flower on Santana's bouquet. A blue flower which had been brought to Santana's dressing room by Mike.<p>

"Oh God, what have I done?" Santana said covering her mouth when she realized what Brittany had done. "I married the sneakiest planner in the world." She snorted and reviewed everything in her head.

Brittany had been the one bringing up the list of things each needed to have for the wedding and Brittany had noticed Santana checking the blue thing box right away. Then Quinn kept on nagging her about getting everything on the list and never once mentioned the blue thing, same for Mercedes who made it her personal quest to find Santana something new – which ended up being the sluttiest lingerie she'd ever seen and half of it was also stuffed in Brittany's jacket pocket.

Her parents gave her the something old, a necklace that had been in the family for years upon years. And the something borrowed was a gorgeous silver bracelet Quinn had bought to wear on the wedding but Santana hijacked it last minute. But then the blue thing…

Mercedes was talking her through the ceremony again and Quinn had her head outside the door while talking to someone who Santana then noticed was Mike. He handed her a blue rose and Quinn closed the door, with the goofiest look she could possibly pull. Santana should've noticed, Quinn only does that whenever she's pulling a prank on someone or when Brittany does something quirky. But she didn't say anything and kept going through the program with Mercedes.

Santana placed the flower back in Brittany's pocket and giggled when she pulled her lingerie panties out of the pocket. When the idea crossed her mind, she thought about taking her bra off instead but that couldn't be done because there was no way in hell she'd be able to zip her dress alone. So she went for the only other option.

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><p><em>At the middle of the reception, she left Brittany dancing with Mike and went to the bathroom. She really was just going to the bathroom. But Brittany decided to follow her. <em>

"_Is everything okay, babe?" She asked from outside the door._

"_Why wouldn't it be?"_

"_I don't know, you always say you need to go to the bathroom when you want to get away from something." Brittany did have a point but not this time. Santana opened the door and stood in front of Brittany, giving her a light kiss on the lips._

"_True but not this time, I just really needed to pee."_

"_And I really need to kiss you." Brittany said and pushed Santana into the bathroom again, closing the door behind her. Maybe both of them really needed to kiss each other because Santana's arms were around Brittany's neck faster than she could think about it and Brittany had her against the wall, moving her hands to Santana's back and their lips crashed together. _

"_Newly married make out slam!" Santana smirked on Brittany's lips and she felt Brittany smile too, both deepening the kiss and pushing each other so close that not even air would pass between them._

"_Score." Brittany added and moved to kiss Santana's neck, making the other giggle a little._

"_Santana, are you okay?" If this had been in high school, they'd stop whatever they were doing but now? Both of them ignored Quinn on the other side and got back to kissing. "Santana, your mother is asking for you."_

"_Tell her to wait." Santana managed to say while Brittany was catching her breath. "I'm doing something here."_

"_Please don't tell me you're having sex in the bathroom of your own wedding reception." Quinn exhaled in a tone of voice that sounded like she was on the verge of annoyed and disgusted._

"_Exactly Quinn." Brittany said while Santana was kissing right under her earlobe, making her all kinds of ticklish. "It's our wedding reception so we could be having sex."_

"_But we're not." Santana added and gave her wife a serious look, causing both of them to start laughing. _

"_Fine, just hurry because your mom really needs you and I don't think Kurt can keep her busy much longer." Quinn said and they heard her footsteps moving away._

"_Back to kissing?" Brittany smirked and wiggled her eyebrows, giving Santana little kisses around her face._

"_I wish, Britt... Wait, close your eyes."_

"_What?"_

"_Just do it." She said and waited for Brittany to close her eyes before she started pushing her dress up. "Take a step back please, I need some space." Brittany just nodded and took a step back, covering her eyes with her hands._

"_I'm getting impatient, Santana. And you know if you take much longer I'll p-" Brittany didn't get to finish her sentence when she felt Santana's hand on her pocket and her wife's lips on her cheek._

"_See you later, gorgeous." Santana husked and left the bathroom running before Brittany could catch her. Brittany opened her eyes and took whatever Santana had placed in her pocket._

"_Oh my god." She said covering her mouth and saving it in her pocket again as if someone would be close enough to the door to see it. Yup, it was Santana's panties. In her pocket. Which meant her wife was walking around without them. Which also meant Brittany had to splash her face with cold water or else she'd drag Santana to the bathroom again._

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><p>Once again, Santana saved the item inside Brittany's jacket pocket and hugged it as tight as she could. She had never been one to dream about a big white wedding or a wedding at all but ever since she truly started dating Brittany, out in the open, Santana started picturing what it would be like to be married to Brittany and only Brittany. Sometimes she would try to imagine getting married to someone else just for the sake of it but even her brain knew there was no way she'd get married to someone other than Brittany.<p>

She imagined what it'd be like to marry Brittany in pretty much every scenario: just the two of them and completely crazy in Vegas, also just the two of them in white beach dresses in Lesbos or Hawaii, hell she even imagined them getting married in China because one night Brittany wouldn't shut up about a Panda documentary she'd seen on Discovery channel. But after a few sleepless nights of consideration and Brittany's genius brain, they decided to have a small ceremony with their closest friends and family.

Santana cringed at the thought and laid the jacket beside her on the couch, holding the necklace she was wearing with her right hand while playing with her wedding ring. And that's when it hit her. The reason why she held Brittany's hand so tight when the priest said the usual "if anyone has anything to say, talk now or forever hold your peace.". The reason why she rushed all the family wedding pictures but didn't mind taking her time with the couple portraits. The reason her mom gave her this necklace. And the reason she couldn't sleep.

Abuela.

If there was anything Santana wished with her whole heart was that her abuela had been at the wedding. She even sent her an invitation without Brittany knowing because deep down she thought that maybe she would come around, maybe she would push her grudges aside and just enjoy her granddaughter's wedding.

But she didn't.

She didn't go. She didn't reply to the invitation. She didn't even call to say 'congratulations' or 'I hope you're happy in hell'. Santana would've take any of those. She just wanted her abuela to say something. But she didn't.

Santana sniffed a little and cleaned the tears that were streaming down her face with the sleeves of Brittany's hoodie. When she came out to her grandmother, Santana knew there was a chance she wouldn't understand or accept it. But she never in a million years thought it would be the reason they would stop talking. Her abuela had been everything to her since she was a little girl. She taught her so many things about life, she always took care of her when she was sick with those weird Hispanic recipes that somehow were more effective than the pills her dad would give her. If it wasn't for her grandmother, Santana was sure she would've been someone else. Someone like everyone else. Because her abuela taught her how to be Santana Lopez, the baddest bitch in town and for that she was forever grateful. But... It was also because of her grandmother that she kept her feelings for Brittany inside her for so long. Because she was scared.

So damn scared.

And her fears weren't that stupid because at the end of it, her abuela did abandon her once she decided to finally open up. She saw the panicked and disgusted look on her abuela's face when she was talking about loving Brittany but she couldn't stop, she had to tell her, it was the only way to let everything out and to accept it herself. When she finished, she knew it had been a mistake, she knew shit was going to go down but she stayed there, holding her heart so close to her chest that she knew whatever her grandmother said would hit it right away. And she said it. She told Santana she'd never want to see her again and she wasn't allowed in her house anymore.

The tears rushing down Santana's face were so many that she found herself thinking that they had called their friends and family to cause a natural catastrophe on her face. She smiled weakly at the thought and the following one, where she was sure Brittany would ask why she stole Niagara Falls and planted them on her face. But she couldn't stop crying. It was too much for her to take and she'd been holding it inside for so long, unsure of what it was that she was holding. Anger? Sadness? Regret?

She took a deep sharp breath that felt like needles pocking her lungs and got up, walking up to the cabinet under the TV stand, where there were some photography albums. She took out the one that had so many stickers on it you could barely see it's true color, which was black. It was Santana's favorite album because it was basically a collection of all her favorite photographs. She skipped a few pages and stopped on the one her heart was looking for. The picture of a Christmas when they were probably 14 or something, where her parents decided to invite the Pierce's.

It was also the first time they kissed. At first Brittany gave her a little peck by the door and blamed the mistletoe but later when they went to bed, Santana just went for it and now she thanked her teenage hormones every day for making her do it.

But there it was, the one and only picture she had featuring herself, Brittany and abuela. The older woman was standing between the girls and had a small smile on her face. She was never one to smile a lot but on that particular night and photo, she smiled and Santana loved that photo with all her heart.

She felt the tears multiplying and she noticed she was sobbing quietly, siting in the living room floor with a photography album on her lap. "Way to spend your wedding night, Santana." She whispered while trying to clean up her face a little bit but once she looked down at the photo, tears started to fall again.

"Sanhana?" She turned around to see a sleepy Brittany scratching her forehead while yawning by the couch. "Why are you awake?"

Santana wanted to reply and she did try but her chest was aching from all the crying and it felt like her brain had turned into pudding. "Oh honey..." Brittany exhaled and walked to her, sitting beside Santana on the floor and placing her arm around Santana's shoulders, pushing her softly to press her lips on her forehead. "What's wrong?"

"Ca-can't sss-ssleep." Santana managed to mumble while holding the album on her lap with one hand and cleaning the tears with the other.

"May I?" Brittany said, placing her hand gently on top of Santana's wrist and the other nodded, moving her arm away so Brittany could see the photo too. "I tried to call her yesterday..."

Santana turned to look at Brittany and she saw her wife's face drop completely when she saw the mess that was Santana's face. She sounded so small and Santana kind of wanted to be mad at her for trying to call but how could she. "Ww-why?"

"Because I know you sent her the invitation for the wedding, I mean, as much as I hate to do it I just am a mathematical genius who knew how many invitations would've been left and only one was missing so... I did the math." She winked with a small smile and Santana smiled back, closing the album and placing both hands on top of it. "I just wanted to make you happy, Santana. And I know how much it would've meant for you to have your abuela there so I had to try."

"Thank you, B-Britt." Santana replied softly and started to cry again, this time more violently because she no longer had to keep it low not to wake Brittany.

"Honey..." Brittany said, taking the album of Santana's lap and holding her as tight as she hold, to which Santana replied by craving her nails on her wife's back. "I'm afraid if I hold you tighter I'll break your bones." She whispered and Santana exhaled a little laugh.

"You're the one keeping them from breaking." Santana mumbled and moved to sit on Brittany's lap, holding her wife by the neck.

Brittany didn't reply and Santana was glad she didn't. Often Brittany had the power to say more with her actions and this was a moment where she used that power. She just held Santana tight, placing light kisses on Santana's shoulder every now and then and moving her hands up and down her back.

They stayed like this for a while and eventually Santana's breathing calmed down, along with her heartbeat and tears. She pushed back a little to look at her wife and Brittany moved both hands to Santana's cheeks, cleaning the tears and giving her a soft kiss on the lips.

"You know..." Santana started, still having some trouble to talk. "I'm not sad. In fact, I'm the happiest I ever been."

"Santana, it's okay if you're sad because I'd be sad too if I were you. Even if just a little." Brittany said with a small smile on her face and held her hands behind Santana's back.

"I know, babe. But we're finally married." She said bashfully, tracing Brittany's collarbones with her thumbs. "You and I. We have a beautiful house. A beautiful life. Everything is pretty great right now. And I have no reasons to be sad. None whatsoever. But..."

"You wanted your grandmother to accept you and the fact that she doesn't makes you sadder than you care to admit?" Brittany blurted out like she had just finished reading her mind and wanted to say everything before she forgot. Santana looked up to her bright blue eyes and placed her forehead on Brittany's.

"Yea..."

"I get that."

"You do?"

"Yes. I mean, I never had the same problem. As you know, my grandmother even gave you that Everything A Lesbian Needs To Know book and just the thought of her going to the store and asking for it makes my stomach turn. Not in a good way." She laughed and Santana did too. It really wasn't good to imagine Brittany's grandma doing that but it was pretty funny. Specially adding the fact that she decided to wrap it in a Christmas wrapping paper and stuffed it with rainbow and pro-LGBT stickers. "But I do get why you're sad. You loved her. Still do. And I'd be so sad if it was my grandma but I know you'd get it too."

"Yea, I would... And I would tell you we'd get through it together as we always do." She looked at Brittany with a sweet smile and Brittany did the same, raising her eyebrow as if Santana had hit jackpot. "You truly are a genius, Britt."

"Aw you..." Brittany said, smiling widely and planted a kiss on Santana's cheek. Which wasn't satisfactory enough for Santana because she turned her head and kissed Brittany's lips. For a while. A long while.

"Thank you, Britt. For everything." Santana said while catching her breath. All this years and Brittany still managed to take her breath away.

"I love you, Santana. More than I ever loved anyone else in this world. I know I say this all the time but it's true. I do love you like that. And there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"I love you too, Britt. So much. And..." She felt tears starting to fall from her eyes again but this time Brittany was there to catch them, by placing gentle kisses on Santana's cheeks. "I wouldn't have done it any other way. Yes, it still hurts when I think about how everything with abuela went down and how years later she still doesn't want to talk to me but... If losing her meant having you for the rest of my life, I'd take it. Because I love you so much, Brittany..." At this point she could see Brittany's eyes getting all watery and she didn't want to make Brittany cry but she also couldn't stop the words. "I just want you. And if she doesn't understand, so be it. Because I want to spend the rest of my life beside you and grow old with you and have tons of kids with you. Just..." Brittany moved forward and smashed her lips against Santana's. "Exactly." The brunette added and Brittany smiled on her lips.

"Kids you say." Brittany smirked on Santana's lips and held her wife tightly, both of them getting up.

"From everything I said, that's your take-away? Really?" Santana stopped kissing Brittany to look at her and Brittany had a devilish grin on her face. "I just opened my heart to you and that's all you take." She kept going while Brittany kept nodding, holding Santana's waist and making her walk backwards towards the couch.

"Oh trust me, I heard every word you said, babe." Brittany assured her before throwing Santana to the couch and taking her shirt off. "And what better way to show you that by baby making." She winked and laid on top of Santana.

"You're such a fucking idiot." Santana said, giggling and smiling.

"Yes Santana, I love you too." Brittany laughed and kissed her wife softly. "And yes I just want you too." She added, moving to kiss Santana's cheek. "And yes I want to grow old with you." Kissing the other cheek. "Also yes I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Kissing her forehead. "And my God, yes Santana, I do want to have kids with you." She said moving down to kiss Santana's lips. "I know it hurts and will still hurt but I'll always be here with you to make it hurt a little less."

"Thank you, Britt." Santana said shyly and held Brittany's neck.

"Yea, thank me by taking my hoodie off. You seriously need to stop borrowing my favorite clothes."

"Shut up and kiss me."

"On it, captain!"

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><p><strong>AN: My special snowflakes! Years after I left the fanfiction writing world and here we are again ahaha I hope you all enjoyed this tiny bit one shot of something I felt that was absolutely necessary to talk about: Santana's true feelings about the situation with her abuela. If you have any question regarding this fanfiction (their wedding arrangements, the bridesmaids/bestmaids, anything at all) just go over to my tumblr inbox at cosima-maslany (.tumblr) .com and I'll happily reply to all of you! :) We made it guys, our babies are endgame, let's rejoice and party.**

**PS: Here's another gift from yours truly, a special playlist with Brittana's story told via songs cosima-maslany (.tumblr) .com post/99013887880/the-sound-of-love-brittana**

**Last but not least: a very warm and fuzzy thank you to brittanafthemo, virgo119, klainebrittana2, nayascara and hometownbitches for giving me the push to write this. And once again, thank you so much hemoverse for being my proof reader on this!**

**Love, -S**


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